"Don't cry because its over, Smile because it happened" -Dr. Suess

That is how I feel today. In fact that is how I feel most days. I tell myself that a lot too. Don't be sad, its only a short time in reality that you will see your brothers. I don't like to feel sad, I really am a happy person. The other day I was looking back through my journal and came to the entry about Todd. It is still so unreal. I am so glad I took the opportunity to write it down though. Here is a portion..

January 5, 2009
I'm not sure how to even start this entry. I have been kindof dreading this. It has been exactly one month ago today (Dec 5th) that we got the tragic news that my little brother Todd had died. I can't even describe the feelings I had then or even some I have now. We were sitting down eating dinner when I got a phone call from Mandy saying to come to Mom & Dad's right now. Something is wrong! We loaded up the kids and bolted over there. I knew something was terribly wrong. I ran in the door and Amy grabbed me and said, "It's Todd, he's dead!" I almost couldn't believe it. "Not Todd!" I said, "No, not Todd!" I don't know how to say or even describe what has happened. All I know is that I had a moment of shock and had to gather myself up again and do everything I could to ease my parents pain & burden. We had a lot of difficult phone calls to make. It was a long and painful night. I couldn't believe I lost another brother, and again to suicide.... Todd was not just an awesome Uncle, Brother, Son & Friend, he was so much more. I wish I could've shown him while he was still here how much he meant to me. I really don't know how much some hearts can take. All I know is that my parents have hearts of steel or something. I was just beginning to get use to the fact that Shawn wasn't around anymore. Now the process is starting over again except this time it seems to be a little harder. Todd was always around or close by to help if we ever needed. Now I don't know who to call. I truly miss him and feel like my heart is broken. I know I will see him again and hope they will both wrap their big arms around me and hug me like they use to.

It's amazing to me that 2 years later I can read that and still feel every emotion just like it happened yesterday. But at the same time it feels like 10 years since I have seen them. My heart has begun to heal. I no longer feel broken. I have realized how much I have changed since that terrible day though. I won't get into a lot of it, but have went on my own journey to "feel" again. I am grateful now for every challenge that my Father in Heaven has blessed my with. To love, grow, and strengthen the person I have become today. I know every experience I have had in the last 4 years has been a building block to the person I am today. I also know there are going to be many, many more building block pieces to be added to complete me. I just hope those experiences will spread out some. ;)

So once again as we come to a difficult time of the year for my family. One of Thanksgiving and also the last time we saw Todd. I am Thankful more than words can express for my little brother, my older brother, and also my brother and Savior Jesus Christ. My heart and eyes are full, not just of sadness or hurt but more of gratitude and love than anything. I am so blessed!

So here is to you Todd!! *Mandy did a great job once again* Kreston watches this almost everyday. He is such a mini Todd and I know he feels a connection to Todd and I hope it never goes away, cause I feel like I have a little part of Todd with me everyday through him.

Don't forget to pause the music player at the bottom :)

We Wish You a Spooky Evening and a night filled with Fear...

I love this time of year! Bwahahaha, (insert evil laugh) I also love that my husband loves to dress up as much as I do and makes it a whole family event.

Grandpa even stopped by with his bucket of Eyeballs! Good job DAD, now you know where I get my love for Halloween from ;)

This year I took the kids and some friends to the Corn Maze and we had a BLAST!!

I'm not sure who had more fun, me or them...next year the whole family is going for sure.

Terrible or Terrific 2's??? I'll let you be the judge ;)

I can't believe I forgot to post Kreston's big #2 Birthday!!! Slacker Mom!

He had a great birthday and was way too spoiled. Love that boy!!!

My Big Bro!

All we have now are memories and your pictures in a frame.

Cassidy said something to me this morning while watching this that kind of broke my heart. She said "Mom, I don't really remember Shawn. I only know him from the pictures we have. But that's probably because I wasn't alive when he was hu?" I really struggled to answer that. I told her "No, you were alive, it was only 3 years ago." Then I wondered if I was remembering Shawn and helping my children remember him like I should be. He is of course their uncle, and they should know he loves them and is a big part of our family. I felt like I had let my kids down. I know that the reason she doesn't really remember him is because he wasn't around much and she was only 4 when he died. But still...I need to do better.
So I am so grateful Mandy made this amazing tribute video for Shawn! I feel very privileged to have such an amazing brother. Even though we had him for only 29 short years, we have an eternity to look forward to. Its hard to believe its been almost 3 years. I have personally grown so much because of the loss we have experienced as a family. Would I want to do it over again? I'm not sure, honestly. But this I do know....I wouldn't change anything that I have learned or the tender mercies of the Lord that have been showered upon my family. Would I give anything to have Shawn and Todd back? Of course, but that is not my choice or the plan of our Father in Heaven. Until that day when we meet again and I get to feel their big arms embrace me, I will remain strong and of good courage because I know there is a greater plan for us.

Shawn,
I feel your presence at times when I am struggling and also when I'm happy. I am so grateful you are close by. So do as you've always done, watch over me, stand up for me, and protect me just like you use to when you were here on this earth. I will do my best to make you proud to call me your sister. I love you!

*Make sure to pause the music player at the bottom of my page so you can hear the song along with the pictures, its amazing!

August is almost over, What???

Ok this has got to be the faster summer on record! Holy cow I'm still recovering from July.

So August started out with the fair...Yeah!!! All of our work over the summer was going to finally pay off right? NOT. It was not such a good year for our little pigs. I think it was just too cold of a spring so the pigs did not grow like they should have. So needless to say both of Kaiden's pigs did not make weight :( Which also meant he didn't get to sell them in the Market Sale. But he still showed them in the feeder class to get the experience and did a great job. Way to go bud!

Then the next week we were off to Lagoon with the Summerfest kids from Apple Tree. (Have I ever mentioned how much I love my job?) On our way down we stopped at 105.5 The Hawk for an impromptu tour of the radio station. Not to mention this was at 8:00 in the morning so we got to watch them do a live on air broadcast. The kids thought it was awesome.
Thanks so much for having us Brother Dale and Jess.

The kids were all so QUIET while they were "on air"
Yahoo,We finally made it! We had such a fun group of kids this year it was one of the best by far! I'm already looking forward to next year ;)

Watch out white roller coaster, here we come!!

It had been a few week since baseball was over so of course we can't slow down too much so on to FOOTBALL!!! Yep we do love us some football so we can hardly wait! Kaiden's first game was actually a jamboree down at Rexburg. This week the real games begin.

So Kaiden was a little bummed he didn't get uncle Todd's football number 57. Since he's a receiver he has to have a receiver's number, go figure right? So he picked #85. Then come to find out that was Grandpa Stoddard's number in high school. I think Grandpa was pretty proud.

Hey Kaiden I think both your uncles are pretty excited to watch you. Especially when you were tromping on Sugar ;) Well at least uncle Todd was pretty happy to see that. But knowing Shawn he's just glad to watch you play. So make 'em proud #85! You've got two big uncles in your corner cheering you on!

Now as August is winding down, oh how I hate the thought of that. But I have to face reality. School started on Monday :( The kids were excited to go back to school. Me on the other hand not so much. Kreston is just happy to see the bus again. That's his favorite part.
So the school year begins....
Waking up early
Eating breakfast
Getting ready
Packing lunches
Catching the bus on time
Kreston and I getting ready
Off to Work
Home from school and work
HOMEWORK!!!
Football Practice or whatever else happens to be going on that evening
Dinner
Off to Bed
And then we do it all over again!!!

Kaiden decided he's now too old for me to take him to school on the first day. What? Mr. Big 5th grader is too cool for me now. Ouch!
At least my 2nd grader, Cassidy still needed me.
Can you believe they wouldn't let me take a picture of them on their first day? Way to cool for that! When did my little ones grow up and get attitudes? And who told them they could?

At least I still have Kreston who will let me take pictures, even if his tongue is always out!
So happy school year, some say its the most wonderful time of the year. I tend to disagree. I look forward to those quiet moments of the summer when we weren't as rushed from one place to another. Call me crazy but I tend to miss my two older rugrats during the day. Its not like I can go to their class to see them or that they can stop by my office to blow me a kiss or a wink and say Hi. Those are the moments I miss all school year. So until our fun summer comes again kiddos, lets try not to kill each other at 6 am when its time to get up!

Finally the END of July!!!

And for once I thought it was going to slow down this last week of July. HA HA was I wrong.

Monday we had our 4H group over for the end of the summer party!! Pizza, Ping Pong, Volleyball, and the Waterslide! Wahoo!! We and when I say "we" I mean Ben, had a great group of kids, Oh and an awesome Leader...way to go Honey!!!

They had a lot of FUN!!!

Later that night when we were up in Island Park taking care of the cabin for my Grandpa Stoddard, I received a phone call from my friend Jess. She is the new morning Co-Host on 105.5 The Hawk. She asked if I wanted to go to Boise Thursday for the Lady Antebellum and Tim McGraw Concert. Oh and we had backstage Meet and Greets to Lady A!!! UH YES of course I did!!!

Wednesday Enjoyed Rigby Lake with my kids and the kiddos from Apple Tree.

Thursday We left at around noon from IF and were on our way to the concert. We arrived in Boise got settled in our Hotel Room (thanks 105.5 again) and got ready for the concert. So we got there and ended up being the first ones in line to meet Lady A!!!

It was an amazing concert and I had soooo much fun! Thanks again Jess!!!

Reunion

So yes this month has been completely booked! Last week we had the Garn reunion, Pioneer Days here in St. A, and my 10 yr class reunion (which I skipped out on). Needless to say plenty to choose from.

My Nephew Colby riding his calf Friday night

Parade on Saturday
G&G Garn..they are the greatest!

My fam enjoying it...Can't ya tell Ben totally loves Parades, NOT!

After the parade we went to Rainbow Lake and had a lot of fun cooling off and getting some sun!

Ben and Kreston

Kaiden and Cass enjoying the Saturday night Rodeo


Then on to Sunday with the annual Rocket Launch after church...
The Contenders
During...
And the Winner is....
Megan Garn!
Ha Ha inside joke for the Prize (Vinegar=Grandpa & Chocolate=Grandma)

Busy Summer....

So far this Summer has been crazy busy....

June was full of regular season baseball, Cassidy's Birthday, and of course raising pigs and more baseball. Even Ben has been playing church ball.Then July started out with the Stoddard Family Reunion up in Island Park at the cabin on the 3rd. On Monday we went to Jackson and played at the Aquatic Center and then that evening went to Bar J. Tuesday went to West and saw Seven Brides for Seven Brothers @ the PlayMill. We had so much fun. Thanks Grandma and Grandpa Stoddard. Wednesday the 7th, Kaiden turned the big 10!!! We went to Ross Park and had a blast. That weekend we had Kaiden's final All-Star Baseball Tournament.

Getting ready to steal home.....Stole home and was SAFE!!!

After the games were over we headed up to Kilgore to meet up with the rest of the Carpenter crew for the annual campout. Enjoyed a relaxing rest of Saturday and Sunday then back to work.

And just when we thought we didn't have anything planned for a weekend some good friends of our invited us to come down to Bear Lake and stay. So we figured, Why stay home? Its not like I had mounds of laundry that needed done or anything;) So we enjoyed the weekend with the Robisons and Reiss'. Thanks again, Mike and Jamie!!

Next time just spend the extra money on the pop up one, Mike!

Kreston loved it!

Now we are preparing for the Garn gang to start rolling in for a fabulous weekend of fun. Let's hope we survive the rest of the month. PHEW!!!!!

So it begins....

Ok so for a long time now people have been telling me to jump on the "blog" ban-wagon. So here I am. I can't promise I will be very good at this but hey I love to try new things and I really have been wanting to keep a journal, so here we go! I have a lot of friends and family that I keep in touch with via Facebook but I know there are a lot that blog too. So this will be a great way to keep in touch too. So a brief catch up on the last 10 years....Yes Ben and I have been married that long. Hard to believe I know. But time flies when you're having fun :) Also, we have been blessed with 3 awesome children. Kaiden is 10, Cass is 7, and our little caboose/surprise, Kreston is 22 months. We were completely content with having a boy and a girl but we found out we are not always in control of things ;) For me not such a good thing since I tend to be a bit of a control freak about some things. But we are so grateful for the love, joy and happiness Kreston's sweet spirit has brought into our home. So for the first 8 years of our marriage we lived in Rigby (Labelle actually) and loved it there. But strange and unknown circumstances brought us to little Chester, ID. At first I did not want to move and was so mad, but after being in Chester now for 2 years I almost wish we could've been here sooner. I love it here. I always said I never wanted to move back even close to St. Anthony, (or marry a cowboy for that fact), so never say never. But I'm glad I'm here. Its been really good being close to my parents and grandparents especially during these last 2 years. Also getting out of our comfort zone was good for us. My kids love living in Chester too. They have plenty of room to ride their bikes, horses, play ball, raise pigs(4H), dogs, cats, and now chickens. Ben loves that he can do all the farm things he use to as a kid. Me, well town is close enough that I can go shopping :) But being raised on a ranch I am glad my kids are learning to work.
Ben worked as a welder and has been employed by the State of Idaho for the last 5 years. I am a Director at Apple Tree Learning Center in Rexburg where I have worked for the last 9 years. It has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. To be able to take my kids to work with me everyday and go love on them and see them when I want and for them to gain self confidence and independence has been great for us.
Its amazing how fast time has flown over the last 10 years and the things I have taken for granted. So I'm hoping this will help me keep perspective on the things that are really the most important in this lifetime. And who knows, you never know what may come next...a milk cow?? Ha Ha!!!